It was 23 years ago today that I lost Cathy. We were one month shy of our 23rd Anniversary, so I’ve been longer without her than with her in my adult life.
Each year I become more numb to that loss. It’s not that I’ve forgotten. It’s that I don’t know where we would be right now.
We are where we are in life because of the decisions we’ve made. I haven’t always batted 1.000, but I’ve tried to point in the right direction whenever I can. I’ve never second guessed myself more during the period right after her death.
Every time I had to make a choice I hesitated just a second or more. I didn’t have my partner to lean on. Instead everyone was leaning on me.
Twenty-three years is a lifetime for some. It feels like another lifetime ago.
I think I’ve lived three or four different lifetimes. The one with Cathy changed my life forever.
And my life continues to be changed – I can only hope for the better, but that’s for the final judge to decide.
All I can do is live the life given to me with the love I’ve shared along the way.
Categories: What was I thinking?