The Gifted Underachiever

My life so far

Grape snowcones and choices

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So it’s a running family joke, but to me it’s not funny at all. Present me with 60 snowcone flavors, and I will unilaterally choose grape. I have nothing against bubble gum, tiger’s blood, cotton candy or some of the more mundane like cherry or orange. Grape is just my flavor. I like it. It makes me happy. Is that so wrong?

It’s a pity that life’s other choices can’t be that way: simple purple or white. The coming elections, for example, haven’t presented me with a clear choice, or have they? It’s not that I’m undecided between the two major candidates, I know very well that I cannot bring my conscience to vote for either. See, that’s like deciding between the Passion Fruit and the Mambo Mango. It’s simple for me. Give me grape. Where’s my grape in this race?

Well, like what usually happens with grape it’s not the most popular. Those other exotic flavors have really stolen center stage, and the little purple snowcone must be content to stand in the shadows. In fact, I had to color a strawberry snow cone to look like grape in the image. That’s how far grape has fallen in popularity. And that’s just fine with me, because I can enjoy grape in solitude. However, somebody’s going to choose a flavor for me because not everybody likes grape.

But I’ll stick with grape and still have a right to complain that Tiger Blood is a stinky choice and you should have never picked it to begin with.

See the thing with Tiger Blood is that it gets old quick. Sure, it’s great right now, but after that first brain freeze headache it starts to get sticky in your mouth. And pretty soon you really can’t stand anymore of the syrupy sweetness, and you want to toss what’s left. But Dad says if you throw it away you’re not getting another, so you have to stick with it.

But grape, ah, grape never gets old. Sure, it’ll freeze your brain, but it’s a good hurt. And once the pain goes away it still tastes grape, I mean, great, but then, I repeat myself.

Scientists have isolated five flavors that can be distinguished by the human tongue: sweet, sour, salt, bitter, and umami. That umami thing is another word for grape. Yes, it’s sweet, but it’s more. I forward that scientists had a choice between grape and umami, and the Japanese lobby was pretty powerful.

What it comes right down to is that grape is not a choice. It’s a lifestyle. It requires commitment and dedication. There are no contendors to grape’s crown, only pretenders. As long as there is a grape snowcone life will be good. And if you happen to have a snowcone establishment where grape is not offered then you deserve a visit from the AGLU.

Joke if you must, but grape will forever be my pick when it comes to snow cones.

We shall talk about chocolate ice cream some other day.

Categories: Bordering closely on religion

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